Expected to Work Like They Have No Children, Expected to Parent Like They Do Not Work

Working parents are expected to work as if they have no children, and to parent as if they do not work.

For many employees in your organisation, that contradiction is not a slogan. It is their daily reality.

In a world of always-on email, performance targets, school newsletters, sick days, extracurricular activities, and ageing parents, the pressure on working mums and dads has never been greater. When organisations overlook this reality, the costs show up quickly in burnout, absenteeism, turnover, and disengagement. When organisations address it thoughtfully, they gain loyalty, productivity, and a genuine edge in the competition for talent.

This blog unpacks what that impossible double expectation looks like in practice, why it is a psychosocial risk, and what HR leaders in large organisations can do to create a truly family friendly workplace without compromising performance.

The impossible expectation placed on working parents

Most working parents in large organisations are navigating two full time jobs. At work, they are expected to be fully available, responsive, and high performing. At home, they carry the mental, emotional, and logistical load of raising children.

Common unspoken expectations include:

• Being available for early morning or late evening meetings, even when these conflict with school runs or bedtime routines

• Travelling at short notice for work, regardless of caregiving responsibilities

• Attending work functions outside standard hours, on top of childcare duties

• Responding quickly to emails and messages, even during school pick-up or family time

• Keeping personal caring responsibilities invisible, so they are not perceived as “less committed”

At the same time, modern parenting advice tells mums and dads they should:

• Be emotionally available and attuned

• Limit kids’ screen time

• Provide healthy meals, homework support, and extracurricular activities

• Be calm, patient, and consistent in their parenting

• Stay involved in school and community life

Taken together, the message to parents is contradictory. At work, they must behave as if children are not a factor. At home, they must behave as if work is not a factor. It is not simply difficult. It is impossible.

For HR and people leaders, the key point is this. When expectations are impossible, even high performing and highly motivated employees will struggle. That struggle is a workplace issue, not a private problem to be pushed aside.

Why this is a psychosocial risk, not just a personal challenge

Across OECD countries, more than two thirds of families with children have all parents in the workforce. Many households rely on both incomes simply to manage the cost of living. At the same time, global surveys consistently show that working parents report some of the highest levels of stress and burnout compared with other groups in the workforce.

From a WHS and psychosocial safety perspective, this matters.

When role demands collide

The core psychosocial issue for working parents is often “role conflict” and “role overload”. The demands of work and the demands of home are both legitimate and both important. When they clash, employees experience chronic stress, guilt, and a sense that they are always failing someone.

Typical signs include:

• Reduced concentration and cognitive capacity

• Irritability and lower tolerance for workplace pressures

• Increased sick leave and “mental health days”

• A tendency to avoid promotion or stretch roles because they cannot see how they could cope

Left unaddressed, this becomes a risk for psychological injury.

When parents feel unsupported

The second key risk factor is “lack of support” at work. This does not necessarily mean hostile managers. It is often more subtle:

• Policies that look supportive on paper but are hard to access in practice

• Informal norms that reward those without visible caring responsibilities

• Limited flexibility in shift patterns, rosters, or project schedules

• Performance frameworks that implicitly favour “face time” or long hours

Under contemporary WHS and psychosocial safety regulations, organisations are expected to identify and manage these kinds of systemic stressors. It is no longer sufficient to offer generic wellbeing programs or tell individuals to “be more resilient”.

Working parents are a clearly identifiable group with specific risks that can, and should, be assessed and addressed.

The business impact of ignoring the double expectation

The human cost to parents and children is reason enough to act. But from an HR and leadership perspective, there is also a clear business case.

1. Turnover and loss of talent

Parents who feel they cannot meet both work and family expectations will often:

• Step back from leadership pathways

• Move to part time or casual work

• Change employers to find a more flexible environment

• Leave the workforce altogether for a period

Replacing experienced staff is expensive. Between recruitment, onboarding, and lost productivity, estimates of the cost of replacing a single employee commonly range from half to twice their annual salary, depending on role and level. In large organisations, this quickly becomes a significant financial and capability issue.

2. Presenteeism and lost productivity

Many parents remain at work but are operating in survival mode. They are technically present but cognitively and emotionally depleted. This “presenteeism” can cost organisations far more than absenteeism. Employees who are exhausted, distracted, or stressed make more errors, collaborate less effectively, and struggle to contribute at their full potential.

3. Engagement, culture, and employer brand

Employees watch carefully how colleagues with caring responsibilities are treated. If parents are routinely sidelined, overworked, or made to feel like an inconvenience, the wider workforce receives a powerful message about the organisation’s real values.

On the other hand, when working parents are visibly supported, non-parents also benefit. Flexible work, compassionate leadership, and realistic expectations are good for everyone, not just those with children. This strengthens engagement, improves culture, and enhances your reputation as an employer of choice.

Moving from “accommodation” to true partnership with parents

Many organisations already offer some support to employees with families. Typical measures include flexible work options, parental leave, and EAP counselling.

These are important foundations, but on their own they are not enough. They tend to position parenting as a private issue that employers “accommodate” rather than as a shared area of interest where work and family can genuinely reinforce one another.

A more strategic, partnership oriented approach involves three key shifts.

1. Recognise working parents as a core strategic group

Instead of thinking of parents as a special interest group, treat them as a critical segment of your workforce with distinct needs and strengths.

This might involve:

• Mapping exactly how many of your employees have dependent children, and at what stages (early childhood, primary, secondary)

• Identifying key pressure points in your annual calendar such as long school holidays, exam periods, or back to school transitions

• Including working parents explicitly in your psychosocial risk assessments and wellbeing strategies

When you see parents clearly, you can design supports that are timely, targeted, and effective.

2. Support parents with practical skills, not just policies

Policies are essential, but they do not teach a parent how to calm a distressed child after work, manage homework battles, or navigate the guilt of missing a school event. When parents lack practical parenting and life skills, stress at home spills over into the workplace.

Evidence based workplace parenting programs can:

• Equip parents with tools for emotion coaching, setting boundaries, and managing behaviour in positive ways

• Reduce conflict and chaos at home, which in turn improves sleep, mood, and focus at work

• Normalise the challenges of modern parenting so employees feel less isolated and more empowered

For HR leaders, this is not about becoming a parenting expert. It is about partnering with specialists who can provide high quality, research informed support that fits your organisational context and schedule.

3. Train leaders to manage performance with compassion and clarity

Line managers are the critical link between policy and reality. A single supportive leader can make the difference between a working parent staying engaged or quietly planning their exit.

Manager capability building should include:

• Understanding the specific pressures faced by working parents

• Learning how to have sensitive conversations about workload, flexibility, and performance

• Setting clear goals and outcomes, rather than measuring commitment by hours spent online or in the office

• Recognising and addressing bias, including assumptions that parents are “less ambitious” or “less reliable”

When managers understand that supporting parents is fully compatible with maintaining high standards, it reduces the tension between compassion and performance.

Practical steps HR can take in a large organisation

Translating good intentions into practice can feel daunting, especially in complex organisations with multiple business units and diverse roles. Below are some pragmatic actions you can take over the next 3 to 12 months.

Step 1. Listen systematically to working parents

Create safe, structured opportunities for parents to share their experience. This might include:

• Anonymous surveys that specifically ask about work family conflict, flexibility, and psychological safety

• Focus groups or listening sessions for parents at different life stages

• Feedback loops from existing parenting or wellbeing programs

The goal is not to collect complaints. It is to understand what is working, where the friction points are, and what would make the biggest difference.

Step 2. Review key policies through a “working parent lens”

You may already have flexible work, leave, or wellbeing policies in place. The question is how they operate in practice.

Consider reviewing:

• Flexibility arrangements, especially around start and finish times, part time options, and remote work

• Meeting culture, such as scheduling norms that consistently clash with school pick-ups or bedtimes

• Travel expectations, particularly for roles that require interstate or international trips

• Performance and promotion criteria, ensuring they do not implicitly privilege long hours in the office

Often small changes, such as capping meetings within core hours or providing more notice for travel, have a significant impact.

Step 3. Implement targeted parenting and family wellbeing programs

General wellbeing offerings are valuable, but targeted supports for working parents can address the double expectation directly.

Programs might include:

• Webinars or workshops on key topics such as managing the mental load, parenting during school holidays, or supporting teens

• Multi part series that run across the year, aligned with predictable stress points for families

• On demand resources that parents can access in their own time, such as short videos, checklists, or conversation guides

Choose providers who understand both the realities of modern parenting and the practical constraints of corporate life. Content should be evidence based, inclusive of diverse family structures, and focused on realistic strategies rather than idealised notions of “perfect parenting”.

Step 4. Include working parents in your psychosocial safety framework

Working parent stress should not sit off to the side as a “nice to have” issue. It connects directly with:

• Workload and job demands

• Role clarity

• Supportive leadership

• Organisational change and uncertainty

Make sure working parents are explicitly considered when you identify hazards, assess risk, and design control measures. This creates a more robust, compliant, and humane psychosocial safety framework.

From impossible expectations to sustainable success

The phrase “working parents are expected to work as if they have no children and to parent as if they do not work” captures a deep truth about many modern workplaces. Left unchallenged, that expectation leads to chronic stress, quiet quitting, and the loss of valuable talent.

HR managers and people leaders in large organisations have considerable influence in shifting this situation.

By:

• Recognising parents as a key strategic group

• Providing practical parenting and family wellbeing support

• Training leaders to manage with both compassion and clarity

• Embedding working parent needs into psychosocial safety and policy design

you can help transform an impossible double bind into a more sustainable, realistic partnership between work and family.

The outcome is not simply happier parents and healthier children, although that matters greatly. The outcome is a more engaged, loyal, and resilient workforce, and an organisation that truly walks its talk on wellbeing, inclusion, and long term performance.

If you would like to explore tailored workplace parenting programs or a strategic review of how your organisation supports working parents, we can help you map out practical options that align with your culture, risk profile, and budget. Conact win Win Parenting