We all know that life isn’t always easy. Sometimes we experience challenges that we need to overcome. So how well do your children handle life’s roadblocks, setbacks and challenges? Have you prepared your child to successfully navigate life’s ups and downs? Whether you have a toddler who’s had a toy snatched away by another child or a teenager who is being bullied, at every stage of development there are challenges for your children to overcome. And, the older your children get the more challenging the problems they’ll face, so the more capable and resilient they’ll need to be. Children who have a strong and healthy sense of self that is, good self-esteem are more resilient. Being resilient means that no matter what hardships life throws your way, you are more able to manage what’s happening in a positive way, pick yourself up and bounce back after the difficult experience.

Whether it is a phone, tablet, TV or computer - technology is part of most adults’ everyday life. And it is not uncommon for a parent to pass a phone or tablet to a child to keep her amused so they can finish a task. The question is “when can technology safely be part of our children’s lives”? Researchers who study the impact of technology on children caution parents to delay and to err on the side of less rather than more use because the research has not ‘caught up’ with what is happening in society in terms of the impact of technology on our children. Numerous studies report that excessive or inappropriate use of technology can lead to physical, social and psychological harms to children. For example, did you know: more children today need glasses for short-sightedness due to inappropriate screen use? many children have poor posture as a result of excessive sitting and being hunched over computer games? introduction of screens with young children can result in language delays? Technology is not going away and parents need to be able to make informed decisions about TV, phones, games, tablets and computers.

One of the most important gifts a parent can offer their child is to prepare them for life. Imagine how good you’ll feel when it’s time for your children to leave home, if they have good self esteem and are resilient. We all know that life can bring so many different experiences and life lessons - some wonderful and others really challenging - while we have no control over this - with the right help, your children can develop the life skills to be able to respond positively to anything that life brings. Parents are the most important influence when it comes to developing a positive sense of self and good self esteem.  Self esteem develops over time from when children are really young. Here are two parenting tips that will help your child develop good self esteem and feel good about who they are. Children learn by mirroring what their parents do and say…you know that right? This becomes painfully obvious when you hear your own words or see your actions played back to you by your child. So, it makes sense then that the most powerful way to help your children develop good self esteem is to live it yourself. Your children will watch and learn from you if you offer them a good example. Spending time with your children will also make a world of difference. Children know that if you make the take time be with them - this shows them that they are important to you and that goes a long way to helping them feel good about themselves. A strong sense of self goes a long way when times are tough, but having a resilient child goes even further. How do your children handle life’s downs? Are they OK if they lose a race, fail a test, fall over and hurt themselves or have a disappointment? Resilience is the ability to get up and move on when things are tough. You can help your children learn this skill from a really young age. For example, if your child falls over and they are not too hurt, do you rush over to rescue them or do you guide them so they can help themselves. You can use words like “oh dear you’ve fallen over, roll over onto your tummy and push yourself up with your arms…that’s right darling come over here…”. In that way you are helping them to help themselves as you won’t always be there to pick them up. Do you allow your child to win every game? Can you see how helpful it would be to allow them to lose sometimes so they can learn how to cope with loss? There are so many ways you can help your child develop good self esteem and resilience and it doesn’t have to take a lot of time…it just takes care and know how.

We all know what it can be like when our child has an emotional meltdown – and it can happen over the littlest thing – like the toast being cut the wrong way!  What about the supermarket meltdown when you say “no” to the junk food or latest toy! OR when you ask the kids to come off the technology! Are you continually fighting with your children about technology? Do you hear yourself saying “for goodness sake please turn the TV off”? “Enough is enough! How many times do I have to ask you to stop playing that game you’ve been on it for hours?” “Put that phone down and come and have some dinner!” And does this usually end up in a family fight? This is a common issue parents ask me about. The constant arguments over screen time are so frustrating and cause disharmony in the home. The research is clear – excessive screen time is harmful for children – but tell that to a child who is enjoying a game and you take iPad away or you ask your teen to end the game they’re playing online with their friends! What if there was a way to prevent melt-downs, flare-ups, and screen-time skirmishes. What if parents really understood the harms and benefits of technology and could explain clearly it to their children? In this video, Dr Rosina McAlpine explains the many harms of excessive and inappropriate technology use by children. Technology is not going away and so parents need to be able to make informed decisions about TV, phones, games, tablets and computers. As a parent, by understanding the harms, you can feel confident in your decisions and explain why you’re limiting technology to your children, rather than a general statement like “it’s not good for you so you need to stop” or “because I said so”. By being able to show your child the negative effects of technology on their body and their mind, they’ll know you just want to protect them from harm. By explaining to your children how technology can be used in a positive way – it’s a win win!

Parents play a crucial role in helping their children develop and maintain good self-esteem. While there are many ways to support healthy self-esteem, one very important way is to simply spend one-on-one time with your child. This tells your child that they are important to you and valued. This in turn helps them to value themself. If a parent is too busy to spend time with their children this tells the children that other things are more important and can result in them not feeling loved or valued. So take time each day to be with your children to show them how important they are. You can introduce the activity by saying something along the lines of “I’d like to spend some time with you to talk about how you are going and if hear about what you have been up to.” You can also share how you feel about your child as well words like. “you are really important to me, you make me very happy and I love you” go a long way to helping a child feel loved and valued. How do you feel when your child or spouse says “you are really important to me and I love you”? Fantastic … right? Find the words that feel right for you…right from the heart!

Chris Hook 7 News View the full article here Extract from article Parenting experts have welcomed a push to convince parents to stop using police as a threat to get their children to behave, warning the negative image of scary cops could last for years and stop teenagers seeking help when needed. However they concede most parents are eventually tempted to invoke police or other “bogeymen” when confronted with prolonged naughtiness. On Wednesday, local area command Facebook pages across NSW shared a poster imploring parents to not “make your children scared of the police”.It asks that parents don’t tell their youngsters that police will “arrest them if they are naughty” because they want children to feel they can depend upon them if they are “scared, lost and in danger”. “‘Young people will end up with this idea that police are there to arrest you, not to help you.’” — DR ROSINA MCLPINE “I think it’s a great thing, I really love it, it has an underlying message that will get parents to think about what their own approaches are and I think everyone would have used some form of this, whether it’s the police or the bogeyman,” NSW Parents' Coun cil president and child psychologist Dr Rose Cantali told 7NEWS.com.au. “‘Young people will end up with this idea that police are there to arrest you, not to help you.’” — DR ROSINA MCALPINE Parenting expert and author Dr Rosina McAlpline said it is important to stress to young children that police are there to keep us safe. She said using police as a threat can plant a negative idea that lasts into their teen years and young adulthood. McAlpine said it could stop youngsters seeking help in an emergency. “Young people will end up with this idea that police are there to arrest you, not to help you,” she told 7NEWS.com.au “You absolutely don’t want to do that and it might happen for life." Cantali echoed the point. “It shows the police to be some kind of bad person who will put them in jail and that then leads to a long term thing and that’s a real concern,” she said.

Human babies are among the most vulnerable living beings. Left alone, they die in a matter of hours or days at most. Babies depend on their carers for their physical, emotional and psychological wellbeing and how they experience their early years can have a significant impact on how they live their whole life. When our son Cameron was born, I felt vulnerable and overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising another human being. What did I know about his nurturing his physical, psychological and emotional development? As a parent, thinking about how I might ‘wreck’ him was really scary. For the last five years I have been reading the latest research in child development and parenting, and it has helped me to feel more confident as a parent. My research has revealed that there are a number of fundamental basics that help parents grow their vulnerable babies into capable, caring and inspired adults. While I’m certainly not claiming to have all of the answers, and even if I did, I could hardly fit them all in one blog post, nevertheless I’d like to share some of the key things I’ve learned about raising happy, healthy and well-adjusted children. START PREPARING BEFORE CONCEPTION The new science of epigenetics shows that your lifestyle choices prior to conceiving your child affect your child’s development. Your physical, emotional and psychological wellbeing can either have a positive or negative effect on your unborn child. A healthy lifestyle gives your baby the best start in life through the parent’s sperm and egg. PREGNANCY Mothers to be who enjoy a balanced whole food diet, engage in regular exercise and, for the most part are rested and calm during their pregnancy, create the best environment for their baby to form a healthy physical body including their brain development. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Once your baby arrives, give her love, love and more love! Of course, this is a no brainer but as it is so important, it bears mention. Cuddle, kiss, hold, interact with, respond to and love your baby. The more that babies are held, talked to and experience a safe world the more secure they feel and the more they learn and develop. BE HAPPY, HEALTHY AND INSPIRED Parents are a child’s most influential role model. If you lead a happy, healthy and inspired life, you help your child to learn how to do just that. A happy and healthy parent is more likely to have the time, patience and care to raise an inspired child. A tired, depressed and unhealthy parent is neither a good role model for their child or will have what it take to support their development. FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD The bond between people is determined by the depth of love, care, respect and admiration they have for each other. Supporting the relationship between a parent and a child must be at the heart of all parenting decisions. Parents can ask themselves ‘how will my actions impact my child and our relationship?’ For example: yelling at my child and calling him names is likely to have a negative impact on our relationship. On the other hand, care, consideration and respectful communication will grow our love and bond with each other. LIFE SKILL APPROACH TO PARENTING We want our children to be enabled in life. Taking a life skill approach to parenting means that parents can nurture their child’s development across many key areas including: the development of healthy self-esteem, resilience, financial literacy, ability to relate to others, a good understanding of nutrition and the importance of exercise, how to manage emotions and behaviours and the ability to set and achieve their goals… just to name a few. If parents take just 10-15 minutes a day to help their children develop life skills they will be giving their children a strong foundation for life success. Remember, if you empower your children by teaching them how to think, how to create supportive working and family relationships and how to manage their emotions and behaviours rather than ‘telling’ them what to think and how to act and who to be, then you can feel confident that your children will be able to navigate life successfully even when you are not there to protect and to guide them.

Parents often feel guilty about their parenting. Perhaps you feel that too? Mums and dads often feel guilty about working long hours and not spending enough time with the kids, being short tempered and yelling a lot or feeling helpless when your children are having a hard time with friends or school. BUT, feeling guilty and stressed about parenting actually undermines your parenting. When you feel guilty and stressed you feel bad so you’re unlikely to come up with a great idea to resolve the issue and you’ll behave out of guilt or anger instead of love. So when you think about it like that you can see that feeling guilty is NOT what good parenting is about. What can you do? Research studies have shown that it is not about the quantity of time but the quality of time parents spend with their children that has the best outcomes. Instead of feeling guilty, can you: make time to read with your young child which will support your child’s language development and inspire a love of learning. go for a walk with your teenager, check in and ask how things are going. Then listen, listen, listen without offering advice, so you’re adolescent knows you’re interested and you’re there if they need support. make a favourite meal and have one or more relaxed dinners together as a family with everyone having a turn to share their highlights of the day. find a little time in the evening, like just before bed, that you can have some quiet time together with your child and tell them how much you love them. It’s these short quality interactions with your child that makes for good parenting.

The news is filled with stories on bullying in schools, bullying in the workplace and with the increased use of technology, cyberbullying can be a constant, never-ending and relentless attack on your child. While some acts are clearly bullying – like a child regularly, wilfully, and intentionally physically hurting another child - other acts are not as easy to recognise as bullying. Do you know the difference between bullying and kids just having some harmless fun together? As a loving parent it’s important for to know the distinction so you can help your child navigate life’s challenges. Children need to be able to protect themselves from bullies and also be able to manage light-hearted play without it causing them to feel overwhelmed by hurt or stress. It’s also really important to make sure your own children are treating each other with care and respect and one child isn’t being allowed to bully their sibling. Every parent wants to raise happy, healthy and well-balanced kids. BUT, it’s not always easy to know the “right” thing to do. There is so much conflicting parenting advice today, leaving parents confused, especially when it comes to bullying. What is the right approach? SHOULD I LET THE KIDS SORT IT OUT THEMSELVES? But what if that ends in someone getting seriously hurt. SHOULD I INTERVENE AND HELP MY CHILDREN LEARN THE RIGHT WAY TO BE? But what if this makes it worse for my child and they don’t get the chance to learn how to handle life’s challenges. SHOULD I STEP BACK AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS AND IF IT’S NOT GOING THE RIGHT WAY – INTERVENE THEN? But what if I’m too late! What if I don’t do anything and something really bad happens – I’d never forgive myself.

A common challenge kids of all ages can experience today is bullying which can be devastating. Now with technology, bullying can be relentless and many children experience it on a day-to-day basis, both in person and online. Did you know that children with good self-esteem are less likely to be bullied, and if they are bullied, are more able to manage it without long-term psychological harm? On the other hand, children with low self-esteem are more likely to bully or be bullied. Even if your child wouldn’t initiate bullying, children with poor self-esteem are more likely to succumb to negative peer pressure and get caught up taking actions they know are harmful to themselves and others.  When things get tough, kids with low self-esteem are more likely to give up, blame themselves and feel helpless to overcome the bullying that stands in their way of life happiness and success. So how is your child’s self-esteem? Do you know how to support your child so they develop good self-esteem and what to avoid so as not to harm their self-esteem? Good self-esteem provides a strong foundation for your child’s life success. The more you learn about effective parenting, the more confident you’ll be with the practical tools you need to help you raise your children in a calmer and more effective way

Did you know that self-esteem and self-confidence are NOT the same even though most people use the words interchangeably? OK, let’s put it to the test.  Right now, ask yourself the question – “What is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence?” and then answer it. We all know that every parents wants their child to have healthy self-esteem. No parent says I’d like a child with low self-esteem. BUT, when we confuse self-esteem and self-confidence in our parenting we can inadvertently hurt our child’s self-esteem. Take this short quiz: Does your child’s self-esteem come from outside – other people’s appraisal? Does your child rely on others for praise to feel worthy or validated? Does your child feel bad about themselves or even worthless when as a parent you criticise or reprimand them? Do you sometimes say things that might harm your child’s self-esteem? The more you learn about effective parenting, the more confident you’ll be with the practical tools you need to help you raise your children in a calmer and more effective way. If you feel like all you do is yell and fight with the kids which makes things even more out of control, then imagine how good you’ll feel when you’re able to respond rather than react and teach your kids the life skills they need for life success.

5 WAYS TO HELP KEEP THE PEACE Are you sick of screaming at the kids? Here are some strategies to create more peace at home. 1. Calm starts with you… Mum’s often feel guilty about taking time out for themselves, but if you’re tired and stressed then any little thing can set you off! So, now you can have guilt-free time to yourself and know you’re supporting peace for the whole family. 2. Say ‘yes’ more often… Saying “no, no, no” all of the time doesn’t make for a happy household and could be just the thing that triggers another argument with the kids. So try and accommodate a yes where you can. Here are some ideas: for your youngster “can I have a biscuit?” Yes, yes…you can have a biscuit for morning tea but right now we’ll have breakfast first. Let’s put the biscuit on the bench ready for morning tea at 10.30!”  For your teen. “Can I go out tonight?” “Yes, you can go out on the weekend and tonight you are doing homework”. If that’s not enough, then… 3. Make time to talk… By spending one-on-one time with your children you show them they are important and that you care about their position. If there are ongoing issues around wanting to go out on week nights and/or eating sweets for breakfast then you can listen, talk about them calmly and come up with a solution! By working things out quietly, there’s less chance of a screaming match! 4. Leave plenty of time… Have you noticed that when you’re in a hurry or running late the kids play up more and things tend to go wrong which makes you even later and more angry? Well get up 15 minutes earlier, or do some of the preparation the night before leaving you with enough time to absorb the unexpected and avoid having to yell “will you hurry up we’re late!” 5. Delay your response… OK, the kids are driving you crazy, the house is a mess and you need to cook dinner - all you want is some peace, order and help! Don’t yell at them…take yourself away and calm down. Yelling is only going to result in war. Once you calm down - you’ll see a better way out. So when you feel the scream rising up in you - delay your response and go back to step 1! “When there’s more peace in your house, there’ll be a happier home for all. Best of all you’ll be role-modelling and teaching your children essential life skills.”