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Article by Cosima Marriner for Sydney Morning Herald Extract Rosina McAlpine wrote Inspired Children: How the Leading Minds of Today Raise Their Kids, because she believes child-rearing is a skill that must be learned. ''We've got this perception that we're supposed to inherently know how to be a good mother, but it's time we 'fessed up - we've got no freakin' clue,'' Dr McAlpine says. She defines a good mum as one who teaches her child to manage their emotions, develop healthy eating and exercise habits, build resilience, and believe in themselves. ''The best thing you can do right now is go on a parenting course rather than worry about what clothes your child is wearing,'' Dr McAlpine says. ''You're developing a child's brain, emotions, physicality. How about getting a bit of help?'' Link to full article

As a parent, when your kids throw a tantrum, it can make you feel all kind of things, depending on the day. But it's all completely normal, in fact it would probably be weird if your kids were perfect angels all of the time. There are some reasons behind the dramatic outbursts though. Dr Rosina McAlpine, from Australia, is a childcare expert at Win Win Parenting, and knows a thing or two about why children misbehave. Read full Article

One of the key life skill areas of the Win Win Parenting program is "Personal Power". The aim is to empower parents with the knowledge and skills to help their children develop their personal power, become resilient and fly through life. Personal power is not about physical strength, it’s about your child’s inner strength, their psychological strength.  Personal power is not about overpowering others, it’s about helping a child feel good inside and secure about who they are so they don’t feel the need to overpower or be like anyone else. In this sense, every parent wants their child to feel good about themselves, value their own uniqueness and have personal power, right? So what exactly is Personal Power? What does it mean to have Personal Power? Today's blog is all about understanding three fundamental aspects of Personal Power: self esteem, self confidence and self efficacy and how this can help you to raise psychologically and physically healthy children. You may have heard of self esteem and self confidence as these are terms that are commonly used. You may not have heard of self efficacy, but it is an important part of personal power, so read on to find out how it supports your child’s life success. A lot of parents get very confused about what the terms: Self Esteem, Self Confidence, and Self Efficacy actually mean. Here are some explanations: Self Confidence Self Confidence is all about 'Doing'. People can be extremely confident and have no doubts whenever they complete tasks or they can have very low self confidence and feel unsure of their ability to complete a tasks or activity. And of course anywhere in between from overconfident to under confident! Many parents say, "I really want my child to be self confident." And in the past, I probably would have too. However, after many years of reading and researching about this topic, now I don’t want my child to be highly self confident as a general rule, but what I want is for him to be able to realistically assess his level of confidence right across the spectrum from a very low level of confidence to a very high level depending upon what activity he's doing. Before I confuse you, let me elaborate. If your child is ‘over confident’ about everything, then he could get into a lot of trouble because he may take unnecessary risks even when he’s unfamiliar with the process or task being performed. For example: a child who gets a new bike and has never ridden a bike and is generally over confident may take more risks than they should.  "Wow! Thanks for my new bike! It’s wonderful! I’m going for a ride!” Even though this child has not ridden a bike before, if they are overconfident in their abilities they might go to the top of a hill and start riding. As an adult you can see that this could end in disaster. At best, a few scrapes and cuts at worse a more serious injury with a car! Nobody wants to think about that. On the other hand, a child who generally exhibits low Self Confidence is often reluctant to try anything new and that inhibits learning. Ideally, you want your children to have realistic and varying levels of Self Confidence, depending on what they are doing. We want our children to be confident enough to be unafraid of making the first move and trying new things safely, but at the same time, not to be so overly confident that they won't seek help if they don't know how to do something. Helping your children to understand these ideas, will help them learn to assess their abilities and skills more realistically and evaluate the risks they can safely take for a given situation. Ideally you want your children to achieve a balance between trying new things and learning, but doing it safely! It is important to say that in general, men and women have quite different approaches here. Have you noticed in general (obviously this is not true in every instance) that fathers are more likely to encourage their children to take greater risks and mothers are more likely to encourage their children to play it safe. So it’s very helpful just be aware of that when you disagree! The important thing to remember is that raising a child who has personal power and is resilient needs a balance between the two. OK, now you know that self confidence is all about ‘doing’. So what is self esteem? Self Esteem Self Esteem is a completely different matter. Self esteem is not about ‘doing’ it is about ‘being’. To help you understand more about what Self Esteem is, have a go at this exercise. Do you remember the very first day you held your baby in your arms? You looked at your baby and it was an awe-inspiring moment. Your baby was beyond beautiful – the most perfect being. Now stop and think back to that moment - what was your child doing? I'll tell you; probably doing absolutely nothing ‘special’ just looking up at you, waving their arms around and if you’re lucky, maybe a smile and the moment was amazing. Your saw your child as a special person most importantly, they were special without doing anything – they were just being themselves and by just being, your child is already amazing! Each person is a miracle of creation and life, which is the being part of every one of us. Self Esteem is a judgement about ourselves and is about the 'Being' part of ourselves (not the doing part). The fact that we are alive, we can move your fingers, see, walk, and talk is incredible in and of itself. Because every human being from the time they are born and throughout their life is unique and valuable being in the world of creation, means that each and every person has the right to have good Self Esteem simply because they exist. Every person is a miracle! Take a moment right now to just appreciate your life. Think about it - there's blood pumping around your body. You're growing hair and replacing millions of cells throughout your body all the time. How amazing! You have unlimited potential of how your are going to choose to be in the world, which gives you the birth right of good self esteem. Your child doesn't have to do or be anything or look a particular way in order to have good self esteem. Self Esteem is about feeling good about who you are. Self-esteem is a judgment about yourself. So it is so important to help your child see that they have the right to have a good judgment about themselves and sail through life with good self esteem. Self Efficacy Self Efficacy is a term that is not used as much in everyday language so you might not have come across it before. Self-efficacy, alongside self esteem and self confidence is an important part of personal power. Self Efficacy is a combination of Self Esteem and Self Confidence. For example, when I first became a mother, I didn't know much about Parenting but I knew a lot about studying and researching, so the part of me that is my Self Efficacy said, "I don't know about much about raising a child. I have very low confidence with parenting, but I know that I can learn all about child development and parenting with some help and by doing some research." And that's what Self Efficacy is; the belief in yourself, your ability to do something or be something you aren’t yet but aspire to be, and your willingness to do what it takes to accomplish your goals. If you believe you can do it, and you take the steps needed, you have the personal power to achieve your dreams. You can help your child to understand how to develop belief in themselves and empower them to achieve their goals. So now that you know the difference between Self Esteem, Self Confidence, and Self Efficacy, you can help your child to unconditionally love and accept themselves for the amazing being that they are (self esteem); help them develop the skills to accurately assess their confidence with a tasks (self confidence) and finally help them to develop self efficacy to believe in their ability to be the best they can be and do what they love by believing in themselves and having the courage to learn and to grow and to keep going until they achieve their dreams!

Article writen by Laura Donovan - Romper Extract: Dr. Rosina McAlpine, a parenting expert based in Australia, tells Romper via email that stigmatizing this form of parenting with labels, or any other form for that matter, isn't helpful to parents or children, and that it's wise to remember that many of these parents are simply trying to do right by their kids. "We need to understand that parents are thrown in at the deep end when it comes to parenting — no manual comes with the child — and there is so much pressure on parents to be 'good parents' even though they may have had no training in child development or parenting and not have the skills they need to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children," McAlpine says. Read full article

We all know that life isn’t always easy. Sometimes we experience challenges that we need to overcome. So how well do your children handle life’s roadblocks, setbacks and challenges? Have you prepared your child to successfully navigate life’s ups and downs? Whether you have a toddler who’s had a toy snatched away by another child or a teenager who is being bullied, at every stage of development there are challenges for your children to overcome. And, the older your children get the more challenging the problems they’ll face, so the more capable and resilient they’ll need to be. Children who have a strong and healthy sense of self that is, good self-esteem are more resilient. Being resilient means that no matter what hardships life throws your way, you are more able to manage what’s happening in a positive way, pick yourself up and bounce back after the difficult experience.

Whether it is a phone, tablet, TV or computer - technology is part of most adults’ everyday life. And it is not uncommon for a parent to pass a phone or tablet to a child to keep her amused so they can finish a task. The question is “when can technology safely be part of our children’s lives”? Researchers who study the impact of technology on children caution parents to delay and to err on the side of less rather than more use because the research has not ‘caught up’ with what is happening in society in terms of the impact of technology on our children. Numerous studies report that excessive or inappropriate use of technology can lead to physical, social and psychological harms to children. For example, did you know: more children today need glasses for short-sightedness due to inappropriate screen use? many children have poor posture as a result of excessive sitting and being hunched over computer games? introduction of screens with young children can result in language delays? Technology is not going away and parents need to be able to make informed decisions about TV, phones, games, tablets and computers.

When it comes to taking care of your home and your children would you say you’re happy with your share of responsibilities? OR Do you feel like you’re doing way more than your fair share of unpaid work? If you feel like you’re bearing the greater load and you’ve tried to get your partner to help and you simple feel like a nag and nothing seems to change…then this is the podcast for you! First - you’re not alone! Research shows that Australian women in a heterosexual relationship do significantly more unpaid domestic work - on average 5 to 14 hours a week when compared to their male partners who, on average, complete less than five hours a week. Shockingly, despite more women entering paid work, this trend hasn’t really changed for nearly 30 years. In this podcast, parenting expert, Dr Rosina McAlpine and life coach and facilitator Heather Pye discuss the “invisible load” that many working women bear and how they can create a more equitable environment at home to support family wellbeing. In this podcast you’ll learn: What the invisible load is and how to make it visible (and delegatable! Is that even a word? LOL). That you’re not alone if you’re feeling overwhelmed with a greater burden of unpaid work and there is something you can do – even if you simply feel like a “nag” and you’ve tried everything in the past to no avail. Practical ways to make your invisible mental and physical load more visible and how to have meaningful and effective conversations with your partner to create a better balance of shared unpaid home management and child care. Heather Pye is a coach and facilitator with a passion for empowering women. Most importantly she has a wealth of personal experience about work and family life as a wife, mum of three kids and being in paid employment too! This is a raw, fun and practical podcast, so have your note pad at the ready so you can write down the practical tips to plan and take steps towards a life that inspires and fulfils you and creates family wellbeing. Connect with Heather at https://www.theinvisibleload.com/about/ Connect with Dr Rosina and the team at Win Win Parenting www.WinWinParenting.com Are you a manager interested in supporting working parents to better manage work and family? Learn more about the Win Win Parenting workplace parenting education programs that empower employees with families to succeed at home and at work. See our range of lone line and face-to-face flexibly delivered programs at  www.WinWinParenting.com

One of the most important gifts a parent can offer their child is to prepare them for life. Imagine how good you’ll feel when it’s time for your children to leave home, if they have good self esteem and are resilient. We all know that life can bring so many different experiences and life lessons - some wonderful and others really challenging - while we have no control over this - with the right help, your children can develop the life skills to be able to respond positively to anything that life brings. Parents are the most important influence when it comes to developing a positive sense of self and good self esteem.  Self esteem develops over time from when children are really young. Here are two parenting tips that will help your child develop good self esteem and feel good about who they are. Children learn by mirroring what their parents do and say…you know that right? This becomes painfully obvious when you hear your own words or see your actions played back to you by your child. So, it makes sense then that the most powerful way to help your children develop good self esteem is to live it yourself. Your children will watch and learn from you if you offer them a good example. Spending time with your children will also make a world of difference. Children know that if you make the take time be with them - this shows them that they are important to you and that goes a long way to helping them feel good about themselves. A strong sense of self goes a long way when times are tough, but having a resilient child goes even further. How do your children handle life’s downs? Are they OK if they lose a race, fail a test, fall over and hurt themselves or have a disappointment? Resilience is the ability to get up and move on when things are tough. You can help your children learn this skill from a really young age. For example, if your child falls over and they are not too hurt, do you rush over to rescue them or do you guide them so they can help themselves. You can use words like “oh dear you’ve fallen over, roll over onto your tummy and push yourself up with your arms…that’s right darling come over here…”. In that way you are helping them to help themselves as you won’t always be there to pick them up. Do you allow your child to win every game? Can you see how helpful it would be to allow them to lose sometimes so they can learn how to cope with loss? There are so many ways you can help your child develop good self esteem and resilience and it doesn’t have to take a lot of time…it just takes care and know how.

We all know what it can be like when our child has an emotional meltdown – and it can happen over the littlest thing – like the toast being cut the wrong way!  What about the supermarket meltdown when you say “no” to the junk food or latest toy! OR when you ask the kids to come off the technology! Are you continually fighting with your children about technology? Do you hear yourself saying “for goodness sake please turn the TV off”? “Enough is enough! How many times do I have to ask you to stop playing that game you’ve been on it for hours?” “Put that phone down and come and have some dinner!” And does this usually end up in a family fight? This is a common issue parents ask me about. The constant arguments over screen time are so frustrating and cause disharmony in the home. The research is clear – excessive screen time is harmful for children – but tell that to a child who is enjoying a game and you take iPad away or you ask your teen to end the game they’re playing online with their friends! What if there was a way to prevent melt-downs, flare-ups, and screen-time skirmishes. What if parents really understood the harms and benefits of technology and could explain clearly it to their children? In this video, Dr Rosina McAlpine explains the many harms of excessive and inappropriate technology use by children. Technology is not going away and so parents need to be able to make informed decisions about TV, phones, games, tablets and computers. As a parent, by understanding the harms, you can feel confident in your decisions and explain why you’re limiting technology to your children, rather than a general statement like “it’s not good for you so you need to stop” or “because I said so”. By being able to show your child the negative effects of technology on their body and their mind, they’ll know you just want to protect them from harm. By explaining to your children how technology can be used in a positive way – it’s a win win!

Dr Rosina McAlpine interviewed for ABC Radio When a child starts behaving in an anti-social way, worrying about what's going on is normal - especially if hitting, biting or otherwise violent behaviour is out of character. So what's the right reaction for a parent: punishment, therapy, or an attempt to carry on as normal and assuming it's just a phase? Dr Rosina McAlpine is a parenting and education specialist, and the author of 'Win Win Parenting'. She's chatting with ABC Radio Brisbane Afternoons presenter Kat Feeney about dealing with childhood aggression.

Parents play a crucial role in helping their children develop and maintain good self-esteem. While there are many ways to support healthy self-esteem, one very important way is to simply spend one-on-one time with your child. This tells your child that they are important to you and valued. This in turn helps them to value themself. If a parent is too busy to spend time with their children this tells the children that other things are more important and can result in them not feeling loved or valued. So take time each day to be with your children to show them how important they are. You can introduce the activity by saying something along the lines of “I’d like to spend some time with you to talk about how you are going and if hear about what you have been up to.” You can also share how you feel about your child as well words like. “you are really important to me, you make me very happy and I love you” go a long way to helping a child feel loved and valued. How do you feel when your child or spouse says “you are really important to me and I love you”? Fantastic … right? Find the words that feel right for you…right from the heart!

Chris Hook 7 News View the full article here Extract from article Parenting experts have welcomed a push to convince parents to stop using police as a threat to get their children to behave, warning the negative image of scary cops could last for years and stop teenagers seeking help when needed. However they concede most parents are eventually tempted to invoke police or other “bogeymen” when confronted with prolonged naughtiness. On Wednesday, local area command Facebook pages across NSW shared a poster imploring parents to not “make your children scared of the police”.It asks that parents don’t tell their youngsters that police will “arrest them if they are naughty” because they want children to feel they can depend upon them if they are “scared, lost and in danger”. “‘Young people will end up with this idea that police are there to arrest you, not to help you.’” — DR ROSINA MCLPINE “I think it’s a great thing, I really love it, it has an underlying message that will get parents to think about what their own approaches are and I think everyone would have used some form of this, whether it’s the police or the bogeyman,” NSW Parents' Coun cil president and child psychologist Dr Rose Cantali told 7NEWS.com.au. “‘Young people will end up with this idea that police are there to arrest you, not to help you.’” — DR ROSINA MCALPINE Parenting expert and author Dr Rosina McAlpline said it is important to stress to young children that police are there to keep us safe. She said using police as a threat can plant a negative idea that lasts into their teen years and young adulthood. McAlpine said it could stop youngsters seeking help in an emergency. “Young people will end up with this idea that police are there to arrest you, not to help you,” she told 7NEWS.com.au “You absolutely don’t want to do that and it might happen for life." Cantali echoed the point. “It shows the police to be some kind of bad person who will put them in jail and that then leads to a long term thing and that’s a real concern,” she said.